


La Vie En Rose

by ladyamesindy



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 20:49:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1913346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyamesindy/pseuds/ladyamesindy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fourteen years ago, Shepard made a decision that would change her life forever, one she vowed never to look back on with regret.  Moving forward, she took life by the horns, living it as she wanted according to the old adage, ‘Life is what you make of it.”  Until one night she recognizes a familiar face in the crowd and suddenly the past is right in front of her once more ….</p>
            </blockquote>





	La Vie En Rose

_**LA VIE EN** _ _**ROSE** _

 

 

 

**_Citadel, 2183_ **

 

“On in five, Cesca.”

The warning that could set even the strongest of performance hearts aflutter with nervousness had little effect on Cesca this evening.  She stood before the mirror making final preparations.  The crowd seemed unusually large this evening when she peeked out from behind the heavy curtain a short while before, so she ran the rose colored gloss over her lips once more for full effect, used her fingers to tease the long dark curls into place around her shoulders and lastly pinched her cheeks for just a little added color to the stain already in place.   _That should be visible from the back rows of the lounge,_ she thought.  Hands smoothing over the clingy dark fabric of her dress one last time, she turned towards the door and exited the dressing room.

It was time.

She reached the stage area and took a moment to sync her universal comm to the sound system that could be heard throughout the club while waiting on S’Alina, her asari pianist, to take her place.  Moments later the hum of the crowd began to settle as the first notes started to play.  Cesca stepped out onto the stage, eyes sparkling and smile in place.  Smoky, hazy lighting matched well with the mellow contralto of her voice and the smooth ease of the old jazz piece she crooned.  It was one of Cesca’s favorite songs, taught to her by a friend years before, and it had served her well in a career as a club singer ever since.

_When your heart’s on fire_

_You must realize_

_Smoke gets in your eyes ….*_

It wasn’t a long song by any means, but it was a favorite and a good piece to warm up with.  The audiences Cesca sang for were usually quite receptive to it as well.

Fifteen minutes and three more songs later, Cesca took her bows and walked back off the stage.  After disconnecting her comm, she headed towards the bar.  The nice thing about this place was that Antarus, the turian who owned and operated it, provided her with free drinks when she was working.

“Stunning as always, Cesca,” Antarus told her as he handed over the juice and soda mixture she liked while on the job.

Cesca flashed him a pleased smile.  “Thanks, Tarus.”  She was the only one he let call her by the shortened version of his name.  Turning to lean a hip against the bar, she scanned the room while sipping at the cool liquid.  “Some new faces this evening,” she commented after setting the glass down.

Antarus nodded.  “And quite a few familiar ones, too,” he observed.  “More humans than usual.  No doubt thanks to you and your exceptional singing voice.”

Cesca chuckled, but felt her cheeks heat with a light flush at his words.  “You’re such a sweet talker, Tarus.”

She was about to turn back towards Antarus to discuss the songlist for her later performance when she caught sight of a familiar face in the crowd.  Recognition hit like a lightning bolt, taking her back to when she was nearly twenty and more or less on the run.  “David!”  He was older now - twelve years would do that to a person after all - and it was visible in the deeper lines on his face and the slight greying of his hair.  But that aside, Cesca could still see evidence of the kind, compassionate man who assisted her so long ago.  At the time, he had been her savior and she would always be grateful to him for that.  “Antarus, you’ve heard me talk about the man who guided me down the road that led me to _Inspiration_ , yes?”

“Indeed I have,” the turian replied as he moved closer to Cesca’s end of the bar and reached out a welcoming hand towards the human coming to a standstill beside her.  “Antarus Kerthan, David Anderson.”

“A pleasure,” Anderson’s deep voice rumbled as he shook the turian’s hand before turning to hug Cesca.  “And you, my friend, have no idea how glad I am to see you,” he told her.

Cesca returned the hug with feeling.  “I could say the same to you,” she replied.  “My goodness, it’s been a while!”  Her eyes caught the gold trim of his uniform and she smiled.  She didn’t know much about the Systems Alliance ranks, but she did recognize enough to determine he had been doing well for himself over the years.

Anderson chuckled.  “Indeed it has been,” he replied.  He glanced quickly between the two of them before asking, “Cesca, can you take a few minutes to catch up?”

Cesca would have been a fool to deny that curiosity hadn’t caught her at his words and the tone he used.  A quick glance over at Antarus was returned a nod.  “Of course,” she replied.  Slipping her arm through his, he led her across the lounge to the far side.  Anderson seemed to have taken one of the back booths in a darker corner and as they approached, Cesca could see that there were others seated there.  “Who are your friends?” she asked.

She didn’t miss the quick look he darted over in her direction, felt his hand rise to pat the back of hers.  “You’ll find out in a moment,” he promised.

As they neared, Anderson released her and took a couple steps ahead.  Only in that moment did Cesca feel any sort of hesitation.  It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, but instinct had her wondering what sort of game he was playing.  The back of the booth was high enough to block her view of the people seated there, and he hadn’t really answered her question.  “David …?”

Cesca’s steps came to a halt as another uniformed soldier rose to stand beside Anderson.  In the dim lighting, even though it was dark and years lay between them since they had last seen one another, Cesca knew him instantly.  Standing strong and proud, dark hair, almond eyes, that little scar on the left side of his lip that drove her crazy at times …  Breath catching sharply, her hand rose to cover mouth.  

“Ces.”

Cesca felt tears fill the corners of her eyes.  Even his voice was the same.  The man who had helped her survive in the years between training and Anderson finding and saving them both.  “Kaidan?”

The seriousness of his expression softened as she whispered his name and he took a step towards her, arms opening wide.  Cesca walked into their welcoming embrace, returning it with emphasis.  Always, it was this easy and simple between them.  Two mixed up kids, on the run, surviving by wits and instinct for several years until finally being shown the way to the future.  Since their paths had veered so sharply away from one another, Cesca wondered what became of him.  Twelve years was a long time - an eternity for some - and it had taken most of that time for her to come to accept that he was never going to fulfill the promise he gave her that last night at Anderson’s apartment in London.  

Cesca blinked back surprise as Kaidan took her hand in his and lifted it to press his lips gently against the skin on the back.  “It’s been a long time,” he told her quietly.

“Yes.  Too long.”  The surprise began to fade and in its place, peace began to settle.  

Anderson’s rumble interrupted the reunion.  “There’s someone else here that you know.”

Startled, Cesca reluctantly broke her gaze away from Kaidan’s, but she did not step away.  She did notice that he kept her hand firmly in his as she turned towards the table, however.  The little squeeze he gave her as she did so had her returning the gesture.  “Alright, David.  Who?” she asked.

“Francesca?”

Cesca froze.  The voice was unfamiliar … sort of.  There was a hint of something in it that reminded her of her father, but that was impossible.  Yet, there was the fact that the only people who would ever call her by her full name were members of her family.  

_But they all died on Mindoir years ago …._

The man who rose and moved to stand in front of her now _was_ recognizable, she noticed.  Despite the very close haircut and the scars on the side of his cheek and forehead, Cesca found that she knew him instantly.  Or, at least the boy he had once been.   _But … how?_  “Gio?” she whispered, hand pulling from Kaidan’s and reaching out to touch her brother’s arm.  “Giovanni … is that you?  You’re alive?”

He nodded once.  A simple move, short and crisp.  There was also a darker look in his blue eyes, as if anger was trying to boil to the surface, though she had no idea why that might be.  The last time she’d seen him, he had been thirteen.  She had left the family home after it was discovered that she had ‘biotic tendencies.’  The manifestation of these abilities was accidental and no one was severely injured in the process, but her parents had adamantly refused to accept the fact that she had some sort of mystical, unknown powers all of a sudden.  Rather than a gift, both had viewed it as a curse.  Especially her mother, a woman whose faith was deeply rooted in religion.  Once this became clear, and realizing that her parents’ reactions would never change (they both could be stubborn that way), Cesca fled her family, her home, the colony.  Within a few months, the people at Conatix caught up to her on another colony world, convincing her that her best option would be to attend Biotic Acclimation and Temperance training.  They left her with no choice but to agree.

Giovanni took a step towards her and reached for her hands.  Squeezing them both in his, he replied, “I’m as real as I can be.”

Cesca pulled a hand from his and lifted it to touch his cheek, a mannerism she knew she’d inherited from her mother.  For the briefest of moments, she saw pain flash behind his eyes, but when she began to withdraw, his hand moved to cover hers quickly.  “I … I thought you were dead,” Cesca finally whispered.  “I heard what happened … they said everyone on Mindoir died ….”

“Not quite everyone.”  The hand still around her other one squeezed tightly.  Almost too tightly, but Cesca figured a little discomfort was worth knowing he was alive.  “Anderson and some other marines found me,” Gio explained.  

A moment of complete bewilderment overcame Cesca just then and she pulled her hands from his, lifting both to cover her cheeks as she tried to process everything she’d just been told.  What a turn the night had taken!  And so unexpectedly!

A moment of realization struck as her senses returned.  Glancing over at Anderson, Cesca asked, “And you never told me because …?”  Mindoir - Gio’s rescue - all of this had happened _before_ she ever met Anderson.  So, why hadn’t he told her when they first met one another?  She could have known years ago ….

“By the time you and I met,” Anderson explained, “Gio was already enlisted.  He never mentioned you to me.”

Cesca’s eyes met her brother’s with a questioning gaze, but his only reaction was to shrug his shoulders.

“And, I might add,” Anderson continued, “you never mentioned him.  You were rather reluctant to trust me at the time, as I recall.”

Cesca drew in a breath to protest … but released it in a soft huff a moment later.  Feeling heat seep into her cheeks, she ducked her head for a moment.  She _was_ rather suspicious of Anderson when they first met.  And by the time things relaxed and smoothed over, they had moved on to more important things.  Sighing softly, Cesca offered the man a sheepish smile.  “Perhaps,” she admitted.  “Anyway, thank you for getting him out of there, David.”  Her eyes darted back up to Gio’s.  They might have lost twelve years they could have had, but at least now they were reunited.  

Anderson chuckled.  “Don’t thank me.  The boy’s a natural survivor.  Almost took me down with your father’s hunting rifle before he realized I was there to help.”

Cesca looked up at Gio again and found him looking pointedly away from both her and Anderson just then.  Pressing her hand around his in reassurance, she decided to turn the subject.  “What are you doing here, Gio?  And how on Earth did you find me?”

“That would be my doing,” a new voice announced.  

Startled, Cesca sought out the voice’s owner, a turian if she was hearing that flanging tone correctly, and finally spotted him sitting alongside a quarian, an asari, a krogan and a human woman in the booth.  Blinking back surprise, her eyes darted up to her brother’s.  “Goodness, you travel with an interesting assortment of companions!”

Gio chuckled and turned so he was standing beside her.  “Tali’Zorah nar Rayya.  Dr. Liara T’Soni.  Urdnot Wrex.  And Garrus -”

Cesca smiled.  “Officer Vakarian,” she greeted him.  “How good to see you again.”

“And you,” he replied.  “Everything going well here?”

Cesca nodded.  “Everything’s been fine since that little incident.  I’m sure Antarus would be glad to fill you in, if you’d like to speak with him.”  

“I will talk to him before I leave.”

“And what about me, Skipper?”

Cesca’s eyes moved to the human woman sitting on the far side from her just then.  Another soldier, though dressed more casually than the others.  “Skipper?”

“I’m her commanding officer,” Gio explained.  “She thinks she’s being funny.”  The way that the others all laughed at this suggested that it was a standing joke amongst them.  

“Why don’t you take a seat,” Anderson suggested, gesturing towards the booth.  “I know this is all a bit overwhelming, but if you have time to listen, we have time to talk.”

“I …”  Cesca’s eyes scanned the others’ first, but she then nodded and took a seat between Kaidan and Anderson.  “Alright.”

Their ‘talk’ went on for some time, and was only interrupted when Antarus reminded Cesca it was time for her to perform again.  As she rose to her feet to retreat backstage to prepare, she turned to them one last time.  “Will you stay?”

“Of course we will,” Anderson assured her.  

With one last smile and a nod, Cesca turned and left them.  Her thoughts were currently a tangled mass of memories mixed with new information and a whole lot of holes that needed filling in, but she couldn’t say that it was a _bad_ thing, necessarily.  While the reunion with her brother had been completely unexpected, and she still sensed there was some issue there between them lurking, she could admit that it had been pleasant.  Certainly more so than she might have expected after their separation sixteen years ago.   _Time heals all wounds_ , she mused silently as she slipped into her dressing room and refreshed her make up.

 

~ 0 ~

 

While Cesca went off to prepare for her performance, many of the _Normandy_ crew wandered away from the table to get drinks or seek out others in the club they recognized.  Gio, however, remained seated at the table, hands wrapped around his glass.  

Kaidan stayed put as well.  

It was a shock to see her again after so many years, but she looked good.  Seemed happy or at least content with her life.  And sweet Maker, she still had that voice that could cause the hardest of hearts to melt.  During their years together - both at BAaT and on the run - Kaidan heard Cesca sing many times.  More than once, he and some of the other students asked her to sing when they were feeling particularly stressed because there was just something about the sound of her voice that seemed to help them relax.

_“Please, Cesca?”_

_“Aaronson, you don’t need me singing you lullabies to put you to sleep!” Cesca protested._

_“So sing something fun,” Aaronson countered.  “A ballad.  A sea shanty.  Hell, even Gregorian Chant will work!”_

_Cesca snickered and darted a quick look over towards Kaidan, giving him a wink.  Kaidan found it almost impossible to swallow back his amusement.  “Why not just sing him the alphabet,” he finally suggested with a grin.  “He can’t tell one type of song from another anyway.”_

_The whack of a pillow against the side of his head was not totally unexpected in retaliation.  “Who asked for your input, Alenko?” Aaronson demanded while lifting the pillow for another attack._

_Kaidan prepared by closing his eyes … until the pillow didn’t connect.  “Hey!”  Aaronson’s protest caused him to open them again and only then did he realize that Cesca had grabbed the offensive weapon with a biotic pull and now had her arms wrapped around it, holding it tightly to her chest.  Kaidan smiled and nodded his thanks.  She flashed a quick smile in return before focusing her attention back on Aaronson.  In the end, Kaidan knew Aaronson would get his pillow back and convince Cesca to sing for him (she never refused any of the students at BAaT when they asked), but as he tuned out their conversation, he found himself wondering at Cesca’s use of the biotic pull.  By her own admission, it wasn’t her best move.  There was also the fact that they weren’t supposed to be using biotics anywhere but in the specified classrooms and under supervision.  And yet she had.  His eyes fell on her again as Aaronson finally took a seat beside her on the couch and she began singing softly.  Why? he wondered.  Sure, they were friends.  Closer, he supposed, than he was with most others here.  Both he and she were fairly strong biotics, too.  She had a temper, but she seemed to keep a pretty long fuse and it rarely ever showed.  He’d only seen her get really angry once during their time here, and that was in reaction to some of the other students picking on a friend._

“So, LT,” Gio murmured, “you know my sister?”

Half expecting this question to arise since Cesca’s arrival at their table, Kaidan offered a somewhat abashed smile.  “Yeah, you could say that,” he replied.  He saw Shepard’s eyebrow lift and added quickly, “I didn’t realize she was your sister.”

Gio chuckled.  “Alright, I’ll give you that one,” he agreed.  “Shepard is a pretty common name, I guess.”  Sighing softly, he took a quick drink.  Dropping his head backwards to rest against the wall, he muttered, “Damn, it’s been a long time.”

“How old were you when she left?”  While Cesca hadn’t ever told him much about her past, Kaidan was aware that she’d grown up on Mindoir and left because of her family.  

“Thirteen.”  Gio sighed again, his head shaking back and forth.  “Woke up one morning and she was gone.  Parents just acted as if she never even existed.”  Another shake of the head.  “I never understood why.  Anytime I’d try to bring her up, they’d change the topic or cut me off.”

Kaidan frowned, eyes dropping to where his hands were wrapped around his glass.  He had a suspicion as to why it might have been that way, but he didn’t want to presume.

Gio must have noticed.  “You got an opinion on that, LT?”

Kaidan stiffened slightly.   It wasn’t a direct order, certainly, nor was it anything but a yes or  no question.  Cesca hadn’t mentioned her biotics in the short while she was with them this evening, either, so it was quite possible Gio didn’t know.  “Let me ask you this,” he replied, turning the tables on him for a moment.  “Did anything unusual or unexpected happen before she left?  Something that might have precipitated a sudden departure?”

Gio tilted his head to consider.  “God, Alenko … that was … a lifetime ago,” he muttered.  He lifted a hand and ran it over his face, as if scrubbing it that way would help the memories return.  “I honestly don’t know.”

Kaidan leaned forward in his seat, one hand around his glass, the other tapping out an irregular rhythm on the tabletop.  Shepard knew much of his past already.  Perhaps he could phrase what he was trying to say in relationship to that and it might trigger something.  “I met your sister on Gagarin Station when I was sixteen.”

He watched Gio’s face closely.  Blue eyes blinking as he considered the Lieutenant’s words.  Lips twitched sharply when realization hit.  Pushing himself back, Kaidan took a drink and continued to wait.  Five … four … three … two … one ….

“Shit!  She … you ….  Aw, fuck!”

The outburst wasn’t completely unexpected.  Gio had a decent understanding of and an appreciation for biotics … as he understood them within the framework of the Alliance military.  Outside of that, Kaidan suspected the man hadn’t given much thought to biotics who opted for civilian lives over military ones.   Nodding, Kaidan replied, “Your sister is a biotic, Shepard.  A pretty damn good one, too.  Back then, she usually gave me a run for my money and you have seen me in action first hand.”  Kaidan found himself smiling at the memory.  The competitive atmosphere was one of the few ways the students had been able to tolerate the pressures put upon them by Commander Vyrnnus.

Gio still wore a stunned expression.  “But … why didn’t anyone ever tell me she was a biotic?  I had no idea!”

Kaidan sighed.  “That,” he replied with a scowl, “is probably due to the fact that whenever kids were taken from their parents, they tried to make the break a permanent one.  Ever wonder why there is so much anger and fear of biotics out there, Shepard?  Blame Conatix and other groups like them.”

“But my parents never said _any_ thing.  Not about Conatix coming after her or even that she was showing biotic tendencies,” Gio countered.  He sighed in exasperation.  “Hell, who am I kidding?  They never said anything about her ever again.”

Kaidan opened his mouth to speak, but noticed the lights in the room beginning to dim and the return of their squadmates to their table.  “You’ll have to talk to her for details,” he replied.  “However, if I were to hazard a guess, I think it likely she left home before she was tagged for Jump Zero.  Trust me, if they came to recruit her, you would have known about it.”

Gio’s scowl was noticeable even in the darkened room, but with the others returned to the table, Kaidan didn’t feel comfortable continuing the discussion.  Instead, he turned his attention towards the stage, sat back in his seat, and prepared himself to listen again while wondering just how many memories Cesca might lead him through this evening.

 

~ 0 ~

 

**_Gagarin Station, 2168_ **

 

They kept him separate from the other students; his room now an old storage area with a folding cot rather than the dormitory.  His meals were brought by one of the staff.  Every connection between him and the others was kept to a minimum.  Though no one said it aloud (they didn’t need to, he already knew it), he was being blamed for Vyrnnus’ death despite that it had been self defense.  Part of him wanted to _scream_ at the unfairness of it all.  The rest simply wanted to huddle in a dark corner and wish it all away.  However, neither was an option available just then.  

After the sixth day, security herded him to the docking bay, loading him onto the shuttle.  Where he thought he might be the only passenger, however, he found the remaining students seated and preparing for departure.  He was directed to the seating in the back, a dark corner mostly separate from the rest of them, except ….

Kaidan’s eyes fell upon her in the dark shadows.  Remaining silent until his keepers moved to their own seats ahead of them, he sat and buckled himself in.  Only once the ship was underway did he reach out, his fingers finding her hand.  He heard her move, vaguely saw her head turn towards him.  “You okay?”  the question escaped his lips the moment he saw the tight lines of pain around her eyes.  

“Migraine,” she bit out, her words echoed by a soft groan.

“Did they give you anything for it?”

“No time.”  

Eyes darting up ahead, Kaidan found the attention of all others aboard focused on departure procedures.  Moving as silently as possible, he removed his belt and closed the distance between him and Cesca before replacing it.  Immediately, Cesca dropped her head to rest upon his shoulder.  “Thanks ….”

Kaidan reached out to take her hand in his, idly tracing what he knew to be soothing patterns on the back.  For months now, some of the students had been exhibiting symptoms like this or worse, but without much in the way of relief being offered.  Most were given painkillers and allowed to ‘sleep it off,’ but a few had been removed from the program altogether, usually after sudden and violent outbursts.  

They were heading back to Earth, being reunited with friends and families who were instructed to be fearful of them, and Kaidan couldn’t say that his mind was in a good place at the moment.  Too much had happened.  Even before Conatix had come to his door, encouraging him to participate in the program, he had seen evidence of his father’s reaction to the biotics, and none of it offered any encouragement right now.  He had no clue how recent events would affect that, but he could guess.  His ‘friends’ and the staff at Jump Zero certainly hadn’t reacted well to Vyrnnus’ death, self defense or not.  But his father?  Kaidan had no desire to find out first hand ….

“Kaidan?”

They were several hours into the trip home when her whispered voice broke through uneasy thoughts of the future.  Glancing down at Cesca, Kaidan replied, “I’m awake.”

“What happens next?”  She lifted her head to look at him.  He could see she was still in discomfort, but her expression seemed a bit easier than earlier.  

Sighing, Kaidan told her what he knew.  “My parents are supposed to meet me when we arrive.  Take me home.”   _Keep me under house arrest?_  He shrugged.  “After that, I don’t know.”

He saw her draw her lip in between her teeth, biting down on it as she considered this.  “What if ….”  Was that fear he saw in her eyes?  “What if we don’t have a home to go to?”

Kaidan frowned.  Cesca had never talked about her life before Brain Camp much.  “What do you mean?”

She hesitated, but finally continued.  “Conatix found me on Terra Nova.”

“I’m sure you can get a shuttle to -”

She shook her head.  “No, you don’t understand,” she insisted.  “I’d already run away from home by that point.  I was on my own when they found me.”

Kaidan felt his eyes widen in shock.  “On your own?  How old were you?”

“Almost sixteen when I left home.  Conatix found me a few months later.”  She offered him a hint of one of her usual sassy smiles.  “I learned real quick how to survive on my own, but no one warned me about Conatix.”

Kaidan couldn’t help but smile in return.  “Yeah.”  As he had earlier, he reached out and squeezed her hand in reassurance.  “I honestly don’t know what to tell you, Ces.  You’re what?  Seventeen now?”  She nodded.  “Could be that they’d put you into a foster home or orphanage, I suppose.  Someplace like that until you turn eighteen.”

Cesca groaned.  “That’s months away.”

Kaidan tightened his hand in understanding.  “Less than a year?  That’s not too bad.  I can’t even guess what they have in store for me after what happened ….”

Cesca’s hand was quick to tighten around his this time.  “You were only defending yourself, Kaidan,” she reminded him.  “I’d be happy to testify to that.”

“Yeah,” he muttered, the seriousness of his current situation overtaking him again, “I might just need that.”

They fell into a companionable silence after that, though neither released the other’s hand.  It was at least a half hour later before Cesca spoke again.  “What if …?”

Kaidan looked over at her as her voice trailed off.  “What if?”

“What if we ran for it?” she suggested softly.  “Made a complete break and took off on our own?  No one would expect us to be together, right?  I mean … I’m basically alone.  I certainly don’t want to end up in a foster home or an orphanage or anything and you would be able to escape whatever they might have planned for you.”

Kaidan was silent as he considered this.  He couldn’t say that the idea didn’t hold appeal - God alone knew he didn’t want to face his parents after this disaster.  The idea had occurred to him in the first day or two after Vyrnnus’ death, back when he didn’t know anything about how anyone would react to what happened.  But after seeing how people he cared about reacted - _like Rahna_ , he thought - he had a good idea of what he could expect now.  

 _Monster!_  

Sighing, he sat back in his seat.  To make it work, they would need a source of income.  A place to go.  Jobs.  A change of names, even.  And above all else, they would have to hide their biotics.

They were still a couple hours from landing when Kaidan leaned over and whispered, “Were you serious, Ces?”

Cesca glanced up and carefully nodded.  “Absolutely.”

“It won’t be easy,” he pointed out.

She smiled grimly.  “Kaidan, I’ve been through this before, remember?  I’ve slept on the streets, begged for food at the back doors of restaurants, even stolen a change of clothing out of someone’s yard before.”  She shrugged.  “There will be good times and bad,” she pointed out, “but you make the best of it as you can.  ‘Find your own happiness,’ my grandmother used to say.”

Kaidan stared down at her for a long moment.  “Looking at life through rose colored glasses?” he suggested.

Cesca managed a small laugh.  “Another way to put it, I guess.”

The minutes continued to tick by while Kaidan carefully considered the situation one last time.  Finally, he made a decision.  “We’ll have to move fast,” he told her.  “I’ve got access to a trust fund.  An account my grandfather set up for me years ago.  But if they know we’re running, they’ll lock it down.  First thing we do is head for a bank.  After that, we’ll figure out where to go.”

Cesca nodded.  “Okay.”  

Their break ended up happening much more easily than either expected.  Upon arrival, all the students aboard the shuttle rose at the same time to disembark, luggage and all.  In the craziness of the moment, Kaidan and Cesca were able to slip their way into the middle of the group.  Either Kaidan’s watchdogs had orders to leave him be after arrival or they simply assumed he was in among the crowd, because as far as he and Cesca could tell no one was actively looking for them as they disembarked.  

Exiting the transport with the rest, the group was shuffled along and into the main terminal where, in the confusion of reuniting families, Kaidan and Cesca were able to slip off and head out of the building without further notice.  Kaidan found a bank branch two blocks away, and within an hour, they were back on the street and heading for the public transportation system.  If not necessarily to use for their escape, at least it was a place where they could blend in with those around them for as long as necessary.  

 

~ 0 ~

 

Days, weeks, then months and eventually years passed by.  Sometimes fast, sometimes not, but one thing remained constant: they stayed together.  After their initial escape, a return to the terminal the next morning provided them with a new destination, and a little over twenty-four hours after that, they found themselves landing on Terra Nova.  They were counting on Cesca’s familiarity with the colony to help them out while also hoping that her absence for the past year and a half had erased her from the minds of anyone who might otherwise have recognized her.  It took a few days before they secured jobs - the first of many over the years - but from that moment, their lives as independent adults began in full.

As Cesca warned, the times that followed were not always good.  The migraines that occasionally affected Cesca returned with alarming frequency and eventually began torturing Kaidan as well.  More than once they found themselves on the wrong side of a termination slip simply because they missed too much time at work due to illness.  Though there were free clinics they could go to for treatments, neither took the opportunity for fear that the discovery of their L2 implants would peg them for who and what they were: two runaways, of which one was a suspect in the death of a turian military officer back on Gagarin Station.  They tended to avoid openly public places for fear of recognition (Kaidan overheard a news broadcast early on in their flight that stated he, at least, was being sought by the authorities).

Though bad, the absolute worst moment came two years in.  After a year and a half spent at various jobs on Terra Nova, they decided to try their luck on Demeter.  The location as a whole was beautiful, their opportunities for employment seemingly endless.  For a while, they even convinced themselves that they could find some sort of real happiness despite their circumstances.

Until the batarian attack upon Mindoir became public knowledge.  

Having spent the day busy at work, Kaidan was unaware of the situation when he returned to the small flat he and Cesca managed to secure through the kindness of her current boss.  Arms filled with groceries (it was his week to cook dinner), Kaidan was surprised when Cesca didn’t come to open the door for him as she usually did.  Once inside he put the food away, again noticing her absence even though he knew her to be home if only because the vehicle they shared to get around the colony was parked in its usual place.  Frowning, Kaidan went in search of her.

It didn’t take long to find her.  A small apartment (two small bedrooms, a bath, a tiny kitchen and a living/dining area) was quickly searched.  But what he found startled him.  Usually, unless privacy was required, the doors to their rooms were never closed.  It wasn’t an openly stated rule between them, just habit that had formed over time.  Even at night they kept the doors open, inviting that old dormitory feel to the residence that they once shared back on Jump Zero.  Whether napping, reading or deep asleep, the doors between them were not allowed to become barriers between them.  With everything else they had to face in their lives at the moment, they both agreed there was no room for that.

But this evening, Kaidan found Cesca’s door closed.  An unexpected wall between them, and he had no clue why.  Frowning, Kaidan rapped his knuckles against the barricade.  “Ces?”

He heard a rustling sound on the other side, but couldn’t place it other than to recognize it as movement of some sort.  Again, he lightly knocked on the door.  “Ces, I’m home.  Something going on?”  

Again, she didn’t respond, but this time Kaidan thought he heard a quiet sob.  Testing the handle on the door, he found it unlocked.  He debated for a moment, finally opening it when concern won out over the need for privacy after he heard another muffled sob.  Inside, the room was dark, the only lighting coming from the setting sun behind hastily closed curtains.  Taking slow, careful steps, Kaidan moved inside.  “Ces?”

Nothing.  No protests, no words of invitation … no anything.  His shin ran into the edge of the bed with enough force behind it to cause him to grunt in pain as he dropped to sit on the edge of the mattress.  “What’s going on?” he asked again as he rubbed the injured area.  “Why are you hiding in the dark?”

Ces, who was turned away from him, sniffed loudly and drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.  “It’s nothing ….”

Kaidan reached out, his hand brushing against her hip.  Clueless to why she might be hiding from him of all people, he asked, “Did I do something -”

“No!”  She rolled quickly, flipping over to face him.  

It was only because of the light reflecting in from the hall that he was able to notice the tears streaming down her cheeks.  Immediate concern twisted tightly inside his chest.  Rarely, in fact never so far as he could recall, had he ever seen Cesca crying.  Lifting his hand so he could use his thumb to wipe the moisture away, he asked again, “What’s wrong?”  She pulled back from him, turning her face towards her pillow.  “Ces, you’re frightening me here and you of all people know that takes a hell of a lot to get me to admit that ….”

“Min - Mindoir,” she finally whispered, her hand rising to swipe at a new onset of tears.

Kaidan frowned.  Mindoir.  He knew of it, of course.  Also knew that it was the one colony world Cesca had told him upfront that she flat out refused ever to travel to.  She never explained why, but Kaidan swore to her that he would never ask her to go there.  Now though …  “What about it?”  He saw her shoulders shake and shudder, and he couldn’t stand it any longer.  Moving around to sit behind her, he eventually dropped his hand to rub gently along her shoulder in soothing motions.  

Cesca couldn’t stop shaking.  It was more than just the slight trembling in her arms and shoulders.  Deep inside, she was fighting a losing battle to hold back a long, loud, mournful wail of grief that had been building upon itself all afternoon ever since first hearing the news at work.  She never spoke of her past much, not even to Kaidan, but that didn’t mean that hearing all who had lived there had perished had any less impact on her.  “B-batarians,” she rasped, half choking in a breath, “attacked … killed everyone ….”

Kaidan’s hands dropped lower along her spine and back.  “When did this happen?”

“A few days ago ….”  She rolled onto her back, eyes searching for his.  “My … my family ….”

Kaidan’s hand paused.  “Wait … you’re from Mindoir?”  

Cesca  nodded.  She understood his surprise and shock.  “I had to leave,” she told him.  Her eyes dropped to look at her hands.  “They … they didn’t like the idea of me being a biotic.  I just … I never … there wasn’t ever time to go back, and now … I ….”  Rolling towards him this time, Cesca buried her face in his shoulder and allowed the grief a release.  

Kaidan pulled her close, held her tight and waited.  There wasn’t much else he could do, really.  His hands still rubbing soothingly across her shoulders and back as she grieved, he thought about what she had - and hadn’t - said.  In the end, it didn’t matter.  He knew that.  Her grief was genuine, he had no doubts in that regard.  He also recognized the regret in her words and her tone.  But for now, he simply found himself wishing he knew a way to help her through her pain.  Something he could say that wouldn’t sound awkward or trite.  

Cesca pulled back after a long while, her sobs diminishing, her pain leaving her numb if nothing else.  Keeping her eyes downcast, she felt her cheeks warm in embarrassment.  Her hands rising between them, she pressed them to his chest followed by her forehead.  “I’m sorry,” she told him, her voice hoarse.  “I -”

Kaidan tightened his arms around her.  “Nonsense,” he replied.  “Just … don’t hide from me like that again, okay?”  Pulling his hand around, he used it to nudge her chin up until she reluctantly looked at him.  “You had me worried,” he admitted.  

Guilt fanned the flames of embarrassment.  “I’m sor-”

“Ah ah ah,” he chided gently, a smile curving at his lips.  “Didn’t I just say not to apologize?”

Cesca sniffed, but found a bit of irritation to counter with.  “What you _said_ ,” she told him archly, “was ‘nonsense.’  Not the same at all.”

He chuckled.  “Okay, I’ll give you that,” he agreed.  “But in order to do so, I want your promise.”  He heard her sigh heavily.  “Come on, now.  Is it really that difficult?”

Rolling her eyes, Cesca stuck her tongue out at him in a childlike manner before she nodded.  “It is,” she mockingly pouted, though she knew he was doing more right in this moment to pull her from her grief than anything or anyone else would be able to.  “But I will promise to _try_ not to do it again.”

“That’s better,” he replied.  He leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead, a friendly gesture of affection.  He held her for a little while longer before announcing, “I should go make us some dinner.  I could use an extra pair of hands if you are inclined to help?”

Cesca hugged him one last time.  “I might be talked into that.”

 

~ 0 ~

 

Three and a half years and two colonies after running away from Earth, Kaidan and Cesca found themselves back on somewhat familiar ground.  Their return brought them to Paris, a destination with which neither had personal experience, yet offered both a multitude of opportunities.  

The first few days, like any in a new location, were spent getting the lay of the land, so to speak.  Though funds were limited, Kaidan suggested they act like normal tourists who commonly visited such sites.  He even took it so far as to pull out an old sketchbook that he carried with him constantly.  Most days this was simply in order to complete the impression if not of a tourist, at least of an art student visiting abroad.  At other times, though, it was specifically for his own pleasure.  

On this day, after a morning spent wandering through some of Earth’s most famous cathedrals and museums, Kaidan led Cesca to the hills of Montmartre where, since the day was relatively sunny and the crowds quite large, they seated themselves on a grassy area where they could eat.  At the same time, he pulled out his sketchbook and began drawing.

Cesca rolled her eyes good naturedly.  “ _Now_ what has caught your attention?” she teased.  This was harder to pinpoint at times than one might imagine.  Over the years, she had seen him drawing anything and everything from the rubble of prothean ruins to the dump that usually made up their home to pictures of children playing in the streets, to the turian who had been their boss for a while.  

Kaidan flashed her a quick grin as he chewed on a bit of sandwich and tilted the book so she could see.  Her soft gasp indicated her level of surprise.  “Why not?” he countered once he’d swallowed.  “You’re certainly a model worth highlighting.”

Cesca felt her cheeks flame.  Reaching out, she swatted his arm lightly with her hand.  “Flattery will not get me a job,” she muttered.  

Chuckling, Kaidan set the book aside and turned to face her.  “No, but I had an idea on that.”

Cesca’s brow lifted.  “Oh?  Do tell.”

“Well,” he began while stretching out his legs before him, “we _are_ in Paris, are we not?”

“That’s what the tickets said,” she quipped while reaching for a slice of apple.

“And what is Paris known for?” he countered.  

Cesca sighed.  “Now that’s a loaded question.  Care to narrow it down some?”

“Start with the obvious,” he offered.  

“Oh, you’re a big help.”  Munching away on the slice of apple, Cesca thought.  “Art.  History.  Fashion.  Love.  Music ….”

“Bingo.”

Cesca blinked.  “Bingo what?  Music?”

Kaidan nodded.  “More specifically, those nightclub type places that a lot of the tourists enjoy frequenting and have been so popular for centuries.”

Cesca nearly choked on the food in her mouth.  When she could speak again, she rasped, “What … are you serious?”  She ignored the momentary panic that his nod caused and moved on to the logical reasons why such a thing was a bad idea.  “Okay … first, I’m just a recreational singer.  Second, it would put me in the spotlight … and by association, bring you along with me.  Third -”

Shaking his head, Kaidan countered, “Your voice is something more than ‘recreational.’  Don’t you remember that time on Terra Nova?”

“That was a festival,” she protested.  “No one was a professional there!  But, Kaidan, this is _Paris_!  You’re talking someplace that _reveres_ singers like what you’re suggesting!  I’d never fit in here!”

“So, reach deep into your repertoire - and yeah, I know you know them because I remember bits of those songs you used to sing at BAaT - and pull out some Edith Piaf or Josephine Baker or -”

“Kaidan, stop!”  Cesca buried her face in her hands for a moment.  “Do you even _realize_ what you are asking?”

She heard a rustle of movement and before she could lower her hands, she felt his arm slide around her shoulders, his body scooting over to line up alongside hers.  “I know exactly what I’m asking,” he assured her softly.  “I wouldn’t even ask if I didn’t think you could do it or weren’t good enough.”  His smile was one of reassurance.  “You can do this, Ces.”

Somehow, it was easier for her to believe with him sitting there, arm around her.  “And what about you?” she asked a moment later.  

“What about me?” he countered.  

“If this goes well, it might put me in a spotlight.  Someone will figure out you and I are together … your anonymity will be gone.  What if you’re found out?”

Kaidan shrugged.  “We’ll cross that bridge if and when it comes,” he told her.  “I’m hoping by now they’ve decided to stop wasting their efforts looking for me.”  It had been almost two years since the last report they’d heard regarding the authorities still pursuing his whereabouts.

Chewing on her lower lip, Cesca stared out at the city below them, the afternoon lighting making colorful play against the rooftops and buildings.  Sighing, she finally nodded.  “Alright, but I still doubt it will be as easy as you’re suggesting.”

Within a week, however, Kaidan was sitting in the back of one of the lower end clubs watching as Cesca entertained her audiences night after night.  It came as no surprise to him some months later when she was approached by the owner of a different club, this one more mainstream and located in a better part of town and offering to pay her twice the number of credits for performances.  He, in the meantime, managed to find odd jobs and other places where he could work during the days and still be with Cesca in the evenings.  

Unfortunately, it came to an end all too soon.  

Kaidan realized too late that Cesca was right and he should have been more careful.  Cesca’s new club, located more in the center of the city, drew in a much wider audience.  The first night he noticed that System Alliance soldiers were present, he should have made a hasty exit.  After all, his father had been in the service and was quite well known and respected by those who served with him.  These days when Kaidan looked into the mirror of a morning, he saw many more similarities than differences between himself and a younger version of his father.  

“Ready to go?” he asked Cesca one evening.  It became his habit to stay through the entirety of her performance and then they would walk home together.  

She nodded as she pulled on her jacket.  “All set.”

They were just stepping through the back doors leading to the alleyway when a voice called out, “Mr. Alenko, I presume?”

Cesca’s gasp echoed in the alley around them as she grasped Kaidan’s arm and tugged, attempting to put herself between him and the voice.  “Go!” she hissed, her biotics flaring to life for the first time in months.  “I’ve got this!”

“Ces -!”

A tall form stepped from the shadows and started towards them, calling out, “Please wait - I’m only here to talk.”

Kaidan, who hadn’t moved since the man first spoke, placed a hand at Cesca’s shoulder, but kept his other free.  It, too, had the soft blue light of a biotic flaring over the hand and up his forearm.  “What do you want?” he demanded, uncaring if his voice sounded harsh.  

Another step towards them and the stranger was suddenly visible in the dim lighting of the area.  “My name is Anderson,” he announced.  “David Anderson.  Your father and I served together years ago.”

Kaidan frowned.  “Your point?”

“Kaidan,” Cesca hissed, “just run!  I promise, I won’t let him take you -”

“I’m not here to take anyone,” Anderson assured her.  “I _am_ here to offer you a path to something better.  More stable.”

Kaidan’s hand tightened on Cesca’s shoulder as her biotics flared more strongly.  “What does that mean?” he asked.  

Anderson closed the distance between them, coming to a halt a few feet in front of Cesca.  “Let me buy you a cup of coffee and we can discuss it,” he offered.  “I promise, if you don’t agree, you can walk away with no worries of pursuit.”

Cesca glanced over her shoulder at Kaidan, brow lifted in question.  She saw his furrow as he considered the offer.  “You’ve got an hour,” he agreed a long moment later.  “After that, we’re gone.”  He lowered his arms as his biotics dimmed and nodded at Cesca to do the same.  

Anderson gave them a nod of agreement.  “Fair enough.  I know just the place we can talk.”

Kaidan told Anderson they would give him an hour, but in the end he and Cesca gave him three.  By the end of the night, they agreed to meet him two days later at which point the three traveled to London together.  Suggestions were made, hints at potential promises, and within two weeks of arriving in London, it became clear to both Kaidan and Cesca that their time together had run its course.  

Cesca was standing on the rooftop staring out at the city beyond when he found her.  “It’s hard to believe it’s coming to an end,” Kaidan said quietly, moving beside her.  He leaned over, resting his arms on the railing.  

“Are you certain this is what you want?”  Cesca glanced over at him, concern obvious in dark brown eyes with just a hint of green.  “To join the Systems Alliance?”

His eyes met hers and he smiled.  “Yeah,” he replied, “I really think this is what I want.  It will give me a chance to do some good.  Plus, Anderson assures me my record as far as BAaT goes is clean.  That won’t haunt me anymore.”   _At least from a legal standpoint._

Her eyes softened, a smile turning at the corner of her lips.  “And you?” he asked, hand reaching out to brush back some of the loose curls the wind was blowing into her eyes.  “Anderson told me he knew someone who could get your career moving along faster.”

Cesca chuckled and dipped her head, a blush staining her cheeks just the merest hint of pink.  “Something like that, yeah,” she agreed.  “The Citadel, he said.”  She shrugged.  “Not sure I’m quite _that_ impressive, but it’s a place to start, I guess.  If it doesn’t work out, I can move on.”

They were silent for a time, both pairs of eyes admiring the city around them.  When finally he spoke again, it was her name.  “Ces.”

Cesca smiled and leaned up to place a quick kiss on his cheek.  “I’ll never forget what you’ve done for me,” she told him quietly.  Hand rising, she settled it lightly against his chest.  “Promise me something, Kaidan,” she continued a moment later, voice hoarse with repressed emotions.  There were so many things she wanted to say and yet so little time left to do so.  “Promise you will stay in touch.”

Kaidan wrapped an arm around her, holding her close for a long moment.  Lifting it, he combed his fingers through dark curls that hung nearly to her waist, a gesture of greater affection that he now realized he had neither openly acknowledged nor displayed to her during their time together.  “Only if you promise to do the same,” he replied.  

Cesca nodded and this time it was their lips that met briefly.  “Anderson will know how to find me,” she said while taking a step back, unwilling to admit aloud just how much she would miss being with him.  If she gave voice to that, she would have to tell him other things as well, and some things were best left unsaid for the time being.  For now, he had his path, and she her own.

The omni-tool she had on her wrist pinged, and Cesca glanced down at the brief message from Anderson that scrolled across.   _It’s time._

Cesca’s eyes lifted and locked onto Kaidan’s.  She forced herself to take another step away, but her hand trailed along his arm until their fingertips finally fell apart from the distance.  “I … have to go.”  With only one last glance back at him, she turned and exited the rooftop.  Kaidan could only watch her walk away.  

 

~ 0 ~

 

 

 

 

**_Citadel, 2183_ **

 

_Quand il me prend dans ses bras_

_Il me parle tout bas_

_Je vois la vie en rose_

_Il me dit des mots d'amour_

_Des mots de tout les jours_

_Et ça me fait quelque chose_

_Il est entré dans mon coeur_

_Une part de bonheur_

_Dont je connais la cause**_

 

“You understand the words, LT?”

Kaidan chuckled and smiled as the familiar song continued around them.  Eyes upon the stage, he felt Cesca’s meet his, even across the distance.  There was no doubt in his mind she had chosen the song on purpose.  “That I do, Chief,” he replied.  “That I do.”   _Life through rose colored glasses, indeed._

“Care to share?” Gio asked a moment later.

Kaidan’s smile was warm as he met the Commander’s gaze before shifting over to Anderson’s knowing look.  “That’s up to her,” he replied.  He heard the final notes to the song fade off, the sound of the audience clapping in appreciation, and he rose to his feet to head to the bar and refresh his drink and, if he was lucky, to catch Cesca so they could talk again, perhaps this time with a little more privacy.  Glancing down at Shepard before he walked away, Kaidan added, “My guess though is she would probably be willing to share….”

**Author's Note:**

> Songs:  
> * Smoke Gets in Your Eyes - Jerome Kern, Otto Harbach  
> ** La Vie En Rose - Edith Piaf, Marguerite Monnot Louiguy


End file.
